Fuzzhead.

Fuzzhead was the name of the dog in the movie, "Ollie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss." This is a movie that 99% of the population has never heard of... but was a GEM in my family. It aired in 1988 on the Disney Channel, and is has only been referenced among myself, my two sisters and parents. If anyone out there has seen it, I'd be thrilled to know and frankly quite pleased to welcome you to my exclusive club... under the condition that you share and bring respect and admiration for this obscure flick. Ollie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss is a vacation tale of the family from A Christmas Story on their annual summer trip, and is written with perfect brilliance and humor in its efforts to do justice to hysterical and outrageous family dynamics.... the kind that make you pee your pants or at least think you might. Jean Shepherd, who co-created both films and is said to have based the Parker family largely on his life, also appropriately and perfectly narrates. You know this voice. Trust me. You've heard this voice if you've seen A Christmas Story, (which everybody has). And his voice is so, so perfect....  And confession... so perfect that sometimes (and yes this is a little loony), i hear his voice narrating over scenes from my family; most recently and currently the Wood Household, Thanksgiving 2009.

Within 2 minutes of coming home from the airport Thursday morning there were (what felt like) 33 things going on among 5 family members (6 including Quimby). Now, friends... I've debated on even trying to explain this because I think this is where storytelling in person does so much better justice than a written blog. I will try though, to paint a little picture of the perfect chaos that makes my family The Best. By paint a picture, I mean with no consistency or fluidity to certain snapshots of the past 2 days.

The kitchen chairs have all broken in the same place - the rung where people put their feet. (Well, every chair but mine has broken and I use this as a means to brag). With three grown children who are now back in the house for the holiday weekend and parents who have rotated the chairs after having the kitchen floors done, each of us were caught off guard by the noise and sudden fall of one of these rungs (that had been put back in), going out from under our feet (that we shouldn't be placing there because we're not 7). Picture a fork/arm/head falling 6 inches lower because this is the chain reaction of when your feet are up on something that goes out from under you. Make sense?

The bar that holds all the clothes in the hall closet collapsed. Wednesday night apparently. As Dad carried my suitcase to my bedroom because "clairebear you've GOT to take care of that shoulder" and yes my bedroom, still with pink walls and a twin bed, but also inclusive of furniture from a deceased great aunt (that belongs in an Ann of Green Gables Living room), he mentions this. He also casually mentions, "moms closet fell last week too. So i don't know what else or who else is gonna fall, but something's gonna happen." Classic Dave Wood, how i love my Dad.

Shampoo and Conditioner in the shower. Who bought it last time? Is Claire using Audrey's or is Emily using Claire's face wash because that stuff is expensive and seriously close the curtain all the way because that causes mildew and why are there not enough clean towels around here, honestly there are like 15 dirty ones in the hamper and I am hurrying Audrey, but Claire insisted on showering before me because she was in a sweaty sportsbra but she's the running weirdo who HAS to run before Thanksgiving and Claire you could help peel some potatos, Ok, says me, please don't yell from downstairs! By the way, close the lid to the saline solution girls, its just a good habit... asks Dad.

Quimby. Quimby is old, and I don't really want to talk about this, but Mom has a brilliant way of making her age backwards. There is always an upheaval over this, where Emily is the first to harshly remind Mom of when we got her, with Dad chiming in quietly supporting the statement. Audrey then not wanting to talk about it but Mom loudly commenting on how fast she'll run down the back deck stairs, but then admitting the following morning she checked on her twice in the middle of the night [true love]. Speaking of Quimby, she didn't poop on tonight's walk. This is a big deal. Are we sure she didn't? Yes Emily is sure, she walked her for 30 minutes she would know if she pooped, i mean COME ON. Audrey goes to check upstairs to investigate any rooms. And girls, you know when you take her on a walk you HAVE to pick it up. Yes, we know. Well, Claire, you used to not pick up Daphne's stuff... (interject Claire), umm yeah I was 11... and anyway, back to Quimby, her gas could give me a PERM.

The Family Room. Dad sits in a chair from the dining room in the family room because his back is bad and the couch is too soft, but Emily can't see over Dad's 6'3" inch self so is so close to Claire on the couch but Claire's foot is in Emily's face and both are like, "can you scoot over?" Audrey wants to know why everyone is talking but seriously we've all seen this rerun of NCIS and can't we watch the Heroes thing on CNN? Oh look OctoMom is being featured by Matt Lauer and Dad gets up because he "doesn't want to hear from this nutcase" and oh I love Matt Lauer soo much, Emily especially is a fan of his dynamic and camera presence with Meredith Viera and CAN EVERYBODY STOP TALKING PLEASE because we cannot even hear what he is saying! And by the way... why do we have 5 remotes?

Audrey is typing on her blackberry and seriously Audrey, this is the stuff you yell at Claire about and Good point Emily as Audrey gets up to finish her "memo" in the kitchen and Claire opens her macbook and Claire honestly that is the same thing as being on a blackberry and [insert mom] claire how much did you pay for that? [insert audrey] why do you have a mac (because audrey is the photographer and YES that's artistic but claire wanted a personal computer and treated herself to a macbook after resigning from Brooks okay?) and CAN EVERYBODY STOP TALKING PLEASE because we cannot even hear [what Matt Lauer] is saying.

This does my family no justice. This does the hilariousness, but also the genuine amazingness of my family no, zip, zero, zilch...justice. My Mom, My Dad, Audrey, Emily, and my Quimby Girl.  I love Virginia. I love that I have best friends I am so glad to come home to see, and i also love that i have a family i am glad to come home to and see. I love knowing that tomorrow as we drive to Maryland to see The Greene's, there will be arguments over who has to sit in the middle in the back, how the heat is too hot for Emily but Audrey is always cold, and Honestly Dave (says mom), you don't need to comment on every driver!


As I wrap up this blog, Audrey can be overheard as saying (and i quote) "I could do without the Wizard of Oz. Apart from Somewhere Over the Rainbow, its just creepy."


love. love. LOVE them. 
and i hope you feel the same about yours.
Happy Thanksgiving (as it continues into the weekend for many of us).
CW