checklists and lulu lemon pants

I’m writing this blog Monday evening (EST) on the plane - I’m en route to Hong Kong, a good 15+ hour flight from JFK, where I finally made it to after a long delay this morning in Boston. After we land in Hong Kong, we’ll take a 2 1/2 ish hour long car ride to our hotel in China. If all goes as scheduled, I’ll be laying in my oversized King bed by 11pm, up and running by 6am, and showered and fed by the 8AM car pick up to take us to the factory offices. 

That’s if all goes according to plan. I’ve learned life can rain wrenches and zing curve balls.

I had a day on Sunday that felt like a giant checklist. I managed to get every little thing done, (not without comedy, as yes, this is the life of CW, and yes, I’ll get there eventually in this blog). From the minute I woke up, to the minute I [tried] to fall asleep, there was a list on paper, as well as in my head, that gradually grew shorter throughout the day. I guess as I’m on the plane I’m realizing, it was actually  a true LIST. A list that included things I needed to buy, but also things I needed to do for myself. I still can’t figure out if this is healthy or unhealthy. Should we have to “check off” things that we want to do?  hmm.

I just watched Up in the Air. No, I’m not writing some blog on loneliness because I fear I’m destined to a life of air travel. While I do travel, I’m home way more and it’s a good balance and allows me to see the world. I guess you could say after this movie I’m yet again reflecting, as I seem to be in a month of reflecting. The ending of that movie was exactly what I needed; exactly and precisely.  While everyone’s feedback to me was, “it does NOT end well; not like you’d think it would,” I don’t disagree with them, but it ended how I needed it to. 

I started off Sunday morning on a schedule. I’d forgotten we spring our clocks an hour forward, so when my blackberry was 10:30 and my alarm clock was 9:30 I realized I was already an hour behind. While thankful I’d actually finally slept in (woke up like clockwork at 6:30AM saturday even after a 2AM to bed time after one too many glasses of wine Friday night), I jumped out of bed in a rush because I’d met a new friend via a friend on Friday night. No, not a tall, dark and handsome boy with kind eyes and bones with marrow of integrity, but instead a really cool girl who seemed to be in a similar place to me in life, and we just totally hit it off. We joked over wine that even though we were tipsy, we really mean it that we need to hang out, and Saturday afternoon she invited me over for green pancakes and eggs Sunday morning. Knowing I had a lot to do before I left for a two plus week long trip, I’ve learned through my experiences of two big moves in my twenties, you have to seize an open window with a new friend when it’s there, regardless of the checklist....

So I jumped in the shower - neglecting to call my boss as we’d agreed to check in prior to my Asia trip. I made it to my new friend’s place (I was only lost for 10 minutes). We had pancakes, (they) drank mimosas, and we sat on the couch and laughed. It wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t a planned morning. We just sat. I left her place with the genuine feeling that I have a new, real, friend to go grab a drink with, a friend to peruse Newbury Street in springtime, and a friend to brave the Warren Tavern on a Wednesday when the time is right. Post pancakes, I fled to the mall to exchange some ipod headphones that I realized were still under warranty - saved $80 - check! I went to the gym to run 5 miles easy on the treadmill (I hate the treadmill, but the monsoon was upon us), and our company is in a movement challenge and the scores are kept by floor, I’ll be damned if I don’t run at least 40ish miles per week and go to a few yoga classes... and yes, my floor is winning. I swung into a Starbucks, bought 2 boxes of instant coffee for my early mornings in China, and made my way downtown - miraculously finding a parking spot on the street directly across from the yoga studio that I’d promised I’d make one more stop by for a bikram class prior to a 2 week International hiatus.

With time to spare, I decided to run into Lulu Lemon at the mall. While I am all about traveling comfortable, I’d be in my first business class seat (this is ridiculous as I type this by the way) and so I wanted to treat myself to some comfortable, flattering yoga pants because seriously, this is why girls love LuLu Lemon. Now, friends and/or random readers (if there are any loyal ones out there, feel free to comment - as I too am a blog stalker), this is where my Curb Your Enthusiasm Life makes sure to infiltrate itself into a normal day.

You could say I’m trying to recover from an “equation” that I am still having a hard time processing. That I’m still in disbelief I ever believed even a little bit of, and that I’m waiting for the time to pass where I can look back and go, “ah ha, yes, I learned this and that and blah blah blah.” So, said day has not yet happened. In an effort to speed up arrival of said day,  I am trying to meet more people. So I went on a date. I went on a date with someone I didn’t know... that I was sort of, eh hem, set up with. The date was fine. Nice - Check. Seemingly Smart - Check. Seems like a good person - Check. However, there was nothing there; I wasn’t even expecting something there, I just wanted to do it. So I have this date. The week following there are a few texts, I delay responses, answer short and then.... then I get it, an email. A revealing, innocent, very kind email from this oh-so-good-person. In my rush of life, I did not write back....... [insert sincere regret].

I run into Lulu Lemon; I have 23 minutes calculated to find, try on, and buy the perfect pair of cute flattering yoga pants to travel in and still make it to Bikram with time to get a front row spot. (the dreaded checklist). I walk briskly in, and am greeted by....... hold your breath.......

my date.

yeah. the one who emailed me (really nice things) and who I never wrote back.

he works there. part-time. apparently.

Me: [Nameeee], Hiiiiii. Thank you so much for your email, I’m so sorry I never wrote back..... It was really sweet what you wrote, I’ve just been so frazzled with my schedule.

Him: Oh no big deal, I debated on hitting send..... but I never work Sundays, how did you know I was here?

Me: Oh, umm, I mean I didn’t know you were here; I actually need pants....
Him: Oh. Yeah, Right back there.
Me: (feeling terrible), Do you guys sell rain jackets (in my head, wtf, you aren’t buying a rain jacket here Claire).

I proceed to go into the dressing room with 5 pairs of pants, text my friend Kay, and stare into the mirror with my mouth wide open. THIS IS YOUR LIFE, RIGHT NOW.

I go to yoga; continually referred to as “green” by the instructor as my neon green sports bra was utterly matchy matchy with my neon green mat (so not on purpose). I drive home, eat dinner, call my sisters, parents, talk to JennyB about running shoes and spikes, laugh and tell stories, and finish packing.....

I had a list.

And I checked it all off.

I suppose I’ll confess that the ending of Up in the Air made me realize you really can’t control certain emotions, reactions, ways of seeing things. As literal or clear as things seem to be, when actions seem to trump those boundaires and understandings (in the good kind of way), we can’t always control how our soul responds, how our mind is able to be trumped by our inherent belief in something or someone.... to be something that they just aren’t.

And maybe... maybe when you can’t check that off a list.... that big thing that creates a giant lump in your throat.... well then maybe treadmills, bikram, green pancakes and ipod headphones under warranty are just fine to be able to.

x’s and o’s from up in the air,

cw


*editors note: it is 10:23PM Tuesday night in Dongguan, China. i'm about to hop in the shower, take a tylenol PM.... and, according to my checklist, i'll be in bed by 11 :)